Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
