Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
