you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
