i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
