I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
