I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
