Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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