Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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