elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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