You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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