You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
