Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
