smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
