a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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