Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
