bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize