Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
