i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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