I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
