You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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