my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
