i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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