i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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