The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
