If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
