Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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