...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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