My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize