So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
