He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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