I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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