i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
