Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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