I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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