when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
