I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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