those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
