i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
