Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize