so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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