No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
