In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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