he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
