I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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