What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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