This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize