once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
