I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
