You can't special order awesome
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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