I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
