Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
