What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
