Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
