I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
