quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
