Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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