I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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