that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
