I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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