when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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