she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
