here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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