i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
