Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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