I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
