this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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