I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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