I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
