I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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