He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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