First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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