this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
