i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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