Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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