its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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