it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
