I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
