Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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