I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize