it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
