The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
