someone threw a dead crab at me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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