This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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