Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
