but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
