We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
