I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
