So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
