it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
