Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
