ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
