i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this boner is exhausting
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
