Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
