I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Houston, we have a blender
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
