i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
