When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
