She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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