Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
