just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize