So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
two words...techno handjob
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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