This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
